DEAR RYAN: My partner and I are vegetarians. Occasionally we eat fish, but neither of us has had pork, beef or fowl for more than 10 years.

We were at a barbecue at a good friend’s house a short time ago and our gracious hosts kindly prepared veggie burgers especially for us. Another guest at the party asked me if I’d be as good-natured as our hosts if I were to have a get-together at my house. (In other words, would I serve meat to our carnivorous guests.) I told him no, to which he (jokingly?) replied that I was “selfish.”

Ryan, the idea of eating meat is gross to me now. The reason I stopped eating it in the first place is my ethical opposition to how it’s produced, and I would not want to compromise my ideals simply in the name of being a good hostess.

Am I “selfish”? Should I offer my friends meat if that is what they prefer? I’d appreciate your input. — WHERE’S THE BEEF? IN HOUSTON

DEAR WHERE’Z DA BEEF: As a fellow vegetarian (and one who doesn’t eat fish), I’d be stoked that your friends even offered you the alternative. Do you know how many family dinners I’ve been to where people seem to forget that I don’t eat meat? Many. And it’s been fucking 14 years. Damn, yo.

Anyway, good manners dictate that your guests shouldn’t really complain. I agree, the idea of eating and preparing meat is fucking disgusting [1], particularly if you haven’t eaten it in many years. Bottom line, your friends can easily go an evening without eating some flesh. Take care and good luck!

DEAR RYAN: Last year for Thanksgiving, I made a special effort to get the entire family together for the traditional meal. All 13 of us met at my mother’s home and everyone was to bring a dish or two to share.

One of my brothers has two college-age daughters. Both are vegan, and he insisted that all the dishes we brought be vegan! I did it, but I resented it because I felt that two out of 13 people should not decide the menu. If they wanted vegan dishes, they should bring something for themselves, while the rest of us brought what we wanted.

My brother and nieces are now asking what we’re doing this year for Thanksgiving. Frankly, I don’t want to go through that again. Am I wrong in thinking everyone should not bend over backward for the vegan meal? I don’t mind some of the menu accommodating them, but I don’t think the whole dinner should be altered. — TURKEY EATER IN TEXAS

TURKEY EATER: Okay, I understand that it is Thanksgiving and you’re right, everybody else shouldn’t bend over backwards for two lone vegans, but I think it would be a NICE gesture to bring them something that they could eat. I think what your brother was trying to do was NOT leave his kids out in the cold with nothing to eat, which is understandable. He was being a good dad and a solid man.

That being said, preparing vegan meals (even ones that carnivores will eat) isn’t all that difficult (seriously, there are some great vegan books out there), so maybe baking them some vegan rice krispie treats while they bring their own tofurkey wouldn’t hurt, you bastard. Thanks for writing!

[1] I don’t think meat is all that disgusting. Sometimes I do, like when people get super rare meat and the blood comes out. That shit grosses me out, but by and large, I don’t really care what you eat, just keep it off my plate and we’ll be solid.

For more terrible advice (especially with the holidays coming up) write to Ryan at totallycrushedoutmag[at]gmail[dot]com.