Give ‘em Shel: Totally Crushed Out v. Silverstein

by Ryan Pangilinan

Long-running Canadian outfit Silverstein have been steadily putting out records for over a decade and unlike many of their “screamo” peers that were popular when they were gaining a foothold in the States, they’ve been able to deliver consistent, yet challenging, albums, such as 2005’s “Discovering the Waterfront” and 2009’s “A Shipwreck in the Sand.”

Following the end of their run with hardcore label, Victory, Silverstein have found a new home in Hopeless Records and have already released three records, one of which is their new full-length, “Rescue,” an album that finds the quintet back to their more-aggressive roots.

Recently, singer Shane Told talked to Totally Crushed Out about the writing process for their new record, ending their run of concept albums, and their current outing on the Take Action Tour with Bayside and Polar Bear Club.

Totally Crushed Out: I know that “Shipwreck in the Sand” and “Arrivals and Departures” had a lot of connecting thematic elements to them, but I feel that “Rescue” is an album that has a lot of standalone songs. Was that a conscious decision when you were writing and recording “Rescue?”

Shane Told: Absolutely. The way “Rescue” was written and put together was so much different from the way that “Shipwreck in the Sand” was put together. I had the idea for the concept, which was based on the U.S. economy at the time, as uncertain as everything was, and putting a family in the story surrounding it. The way it was written was that we had about three months where we wrote all the music and I put all the words around it and it fit the concept.

With “Rescue,” we wrote over the course of an entire year and we could write a few songs, go on tour, and come back to them. We would rework the songs a bit and write new songs, so it was written in that kind of a way. Conceptually, it didn’t feel right to think of some concept that I wasn’t completely immersed in and try to work all these songs into it, you know?  It wasn’t in the cards and I didn’t want to force that kind of an idea.

Do you feel as the band’s primary lyricist, was it less stressful for you to write to something that has more standalone elements to it rather than compile bits and pieces of a whole story?

Yeah, there were times when we were working on “Shipwreck” when I thought I was kind of losing my mind and I was really stressed out and really worried about it…. Interestingly enough, sometimes when you’re writing something like [a concept record], it’s actually easier because you know where you’re starting.

Another thing I find interesting about Silverstein, is that you guys were tagged at the beginning of the 2000s with the whole screamo scene, but you guys have consistently put out records and stuck it out. What I find cool is when I talk to other hardcore kids, you guys are one of the few bands that everybody seems to agree on or generally like because there is a lot of diversity in your records. Is that sort of a weird thing to think about, especially considering you’ve been around for over a decade?

It is weird to think about how long we’ve done this and the shit we’ve seen, I guess. It’s funny because a long time ago, I was talking to somebody about some band – this is such an obscure conversation I had when I was 17 years old…but I think about conversation a lot. I don’t even remember what band we were talking about, but…I said, “I guess I kinda like this band, but I’m not sure if I really like their style of music or whatever….” And this guy said, “That band is great because they write great songs and maybe you don’t like that kind of music sometimes, but that band’s gonna be around for a long time because they write great songs and it doesn’t matter what kind of music you play. When you strip a song down to chords, melody, and lyrics – because that’s what every song is – and it’s still a great song, then it’s timeless.”

I’ve always remembered that and every time we work on something, I always think to myself, “Is this a great song? Can this be played in any genre of music and still be great?” And I think that’s kind of what kept us [with our] longevity.

“Rescue” is out on Hopeless and I feel like since you announced the signing, you’ve had a steady stream of releases – the “Transitions EP,” the “Record Store Day EP” and now, “Rescue.” How much material did you guys have from the end of Victory to transitioning to Hopeless, because it seems like there’s quite a bit, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I’m glad you noticed. It’s funny because I think you’re the first person to notice that, but I’m glad you noticed because it really was true. The biggest reason – and I don’t want to shit-talk Victory because they did a lot of great things for us – but they were never down with us doing anything cool. We were never able to do EPs, and I fucking love EPs, but we were able to do “Transitions” on Hopeless, we did the Record Store Day 7” which came out a couple weeks ago – they put us in a studio and gave us money to record three old punk rock hardcore songs for that 7”, knowing full well that they wouldn’t make any money on it, we weren’t going to make any money on it. It was just something we wanted to do for fun, so the fact that we were able to do those things on Hopeless was just really cool. And video-wise, they were like “Oh yeah, we want you to do a video. Here’s some money, go do the video.” Just to have a relationship like that with the label is really good, rather than just be like “Make a record for us, tour for two years, then make another record, tour for two years…” that kind of cycle is just painfully boring and we wanted to be able to do lots of other things.

You guys are currently on the Take Action Tour. What is the charity that the tour is supporting this year?

It’s called Sex Etc. It’s basically a sex education awareness program, mainly geared towards teenagers because the sex education in schools is inadequate and there’s a lot of problems with teen pregnancy and things like that. That’s what they’re trying to accomplish.

And you guys are also touring with Bayside, which must be fun and seem like a reunion of sorts.

Yeah, it is. We’ve known those guys forever. We met them on our first US tour ever. We met in Columbus, OH and we didn’t think anyone was going to come to our show, so we walked around the Ohio State campus handing out fliers. It was a funny experience, but we bonded back then and we’re still friends.

Silverstein is out on the Take Action Tour with Bayside, Polar Bear Club and Texas in July. Their fifth album, “Rescue,” is out now on Hopeless Records.

Mike Birbiglia
“Sleepwalk with Me (Live)”
(Comedy Central)

Though he’s a comedian by trade, Mike Birbiglia’s knack at storytelling has been a good launching point to allow him to transcend from doing bits to a fully realized oratorical essayist, so much so that not only has he performed stand up on the late night TV circuit, but he’s also been the sitting-on-the-couch guest, as well as a featured entity on NPR shows like This American Life and Selected Shorts.

“Sleepwalk with Me” is the recorded version of his live show of the same name, which he toured on last year, as well as the companion to his book of the same title.

Compared to the actual live performance, the audio recording is an abridged version, though for someone who hasn’t seen the show, the spirit of “Sleepwalk” is contextually sound. Unlike his previous recording, “My Secret Public Journal,” Birbiglia’s hour-plus story has several dramatic moments of self-realization and poignancy, though they’re executed in a way that highlights the humorous and absurd viewpoints that he sees them in.

“Sleepwalk with Me” is a solid enough recording to use as an introductory piece for someone who hasn’t heard Birbiglia before, and who knows? You might even get a simultaneous tear and chuckle out of that person.

— Ryan Pangilinan

Getting Down with the Get Up Kids
by Ryan Pangilinan

I can’t lie about this: everyone involved with Totally Crushed Out loves the Get Up Kids.  Despite varied regional upbringing, we all spent our formative rocking out to “Four Minute Mile” and “Something to Write Home About.”  As young adults, we found solace in the darker themes behind “On a Wire” and “Guilt Show.”  Following a three year breakup, the Get Up Kids resurfaced in 2008 and, this last year, release the “Simple Science EP” and “There Are Rules,” the latter of which is the first release on their independent label, Quality Hill.

Along with our sister site, Redefine, guitarists and singers, Jim Suptic and Matt Pryor sat down with TCO to talk about their new record, why they followed “On a Wire” with “Guilt Show,” and life outside the Get Up Kids umbrella.

Totally Crushed Out: Listening to “There Are Rules” it’s a huge departure from what most people would consider your “signature” sound and to me, a long time listener, it seems like it’s just a natural progression for the band to find a sound that is outside the box of the last proper full-length. Does it ever drive you guys crazy whenever someone says, “Oh it doesn’t sound like this old record or that old record?”

Matt Pryor: We’ve always made it a point to never really make the same record twice and I think that we’ve accomplished that.  Our records are always evolving and to do it any other way would be untrue to ourselves.  It doesn’t drive me crazy but it does get a bit old having to defend your creative decisions all the time.

Jim Suptic: To us, every album we have ever made sounds different. When people say our “signature” sound, they are usually talking about “Something To Write Home About”. Probably because it was our most successful album. We wrote some of those songs when we were teenagers. I’m 33 now.  I love that record but seriously, it was over a decade ago.  We wouldn’t even know how to write an album like that again. Especially not lyrically. Things that were important to me then seem quite trivial now.

Obviously along with age, the band finds new things to tackle about topically. What was sort of the lyrical drive (if there was any) behind the new album?

MP: Lyrically it wasn’t so much what it WAS going to be about as much as what it WASN’T going to be about.  There are no love songs on the record.  There isn’t any teenage longing.  I really wanted to challenge myself to write things outside of my comfort zone.

JS: We have always wrote what was around us or influencing us at the time. One of the songs I sing is about a street fight that happened in England. The song “Widow Paris” is about a voodoo priestess. Not so much “tour is hard, I miss you” lyrics.

Will Quality Hill be releasing records by other bands, as you’ve done in the past with Heroes and Villains, or will this be strictly a Get Up Kids label?

JS: I would never say never but as of right now just Get Up Kid stuff.

I’ve always felt that the Get Up Kids is one of the earliest bands whose popularity was steered by the internet in addition to touring heavily. I remember seeing the band in 2000 on a tour sponsored by Napster, though this was also during a time when people still purchased physical media for music. As a band that I would consider early adopters (even if it was inadvertent), how do you feel about the way that kids are using the internet to consume music a little over a decade later?

MP: I think that the internet is as useful or as irritating as you make it out to be.  On the one hand there are more opportunities to communicate with your fans and to grow the band.  On the other hand, everyone has an opinion and the comments section of any given review / article can either really inflate or hurt your self worth.

JS: I really think the new generation believes music should be free. They don’t want to pay for it. No one is going to change that. It is only going to get worse for record sales. So I think you just have to embrace it and become more creative in the way you run a band. I like twitter and facebook because it allows us to interact with our fans. I don’t like the fact that it makes me feel narcissistic, always having to talk about myself.

These days, individual members of the band has commitments elsewhere whether it’s family, business or other bands, but it still seems to work well on some capacity, though slightly limited. Is it weird to walk back into a situation where you were touring for a good chunk of the year to being able to tour when it works for everyone?

MP: I like it better.  It allows us to have other lives, which means we’re not so dependent upon this band and that takes a lot of the pressure off.  It’s a pain in the ass to schedule stuff but we get along better because of it.

JS: It is what it is. It can be a little annoying trying to make it all work but we find a way.

One of the things that people have commented on is the sonic departure between “Something to Write Home About” to “On a Wire,” it’s something that is chronicled in Andy Greenwald’s book “Nothing Feels Good” and is something that comes up in interviews often to this day. Personally, I loved “On a Wire” and I always felt that “Guilt Show” was the Jedi mind trick album. Upon an initial spin, it’s easy to peg it as a pop-punk record along the lines of the “Something to Write Home” but when you really listen to it, it’s seems that, lyrically, it’s a very reactionary album. Was that the intention that you guys had when writing that record or was it more along the lines of making an upbeat pop record that scratches the surface of the uglier parts of life?

MP: I’ve always been interested in upbeat songs with dark subject matter.  I think that’s been pretty present in all of our work.  If Guilt Show was particularly dark it’s because I was in a really negative headspace at the time.  We made Wire kinda quiet because we were sick of being loud all the time.  We made Guilt Show louder than Wire because we missed being a “rock” band.  It works out well now; we can do a primarily rocking live show with moments of quiet, which is nice.

JS: Lyrically “Something To Write Home About” was about love and relationships while trying to be in a young rock band. “Guilt Show” was about divorce and the crumbling of those relationships. Ugly truths are easier to swallow with an upbeat melody behind it.

When the band first got back together, I recall Jim doing an interview where he said something akin to “If this is what emo bands are like, then I’m sorry,” and even on the anniversary tour, you guys echoed those sentiments on stage. Naturally, I wouldn’t expect anyone who grew up getting their records from Crank or Initial’s distro to necessarily like some of the trash that’s out there, but what contemporary bands that you might have a direct influence on do you think stands out from the paint-by-numbers bands that are out there?

MP: I don’t listen to a lot of what people would call modern “emo” so I can’t really comment to the fact.  The one band that gets lumped into that genre that consistently impresses me is Brand New.  I think they are setting the creative bar these days in the genre.

JS: I really don’t know. When bands say we influenced them most of the time I don’t hear it. As far as that quote goes, it was really supposed to be a joke. The internet likes to find something and run with it.

Following this album’s release and its touring cycle, what other plans is on the horizon for the Get Up Kids?

MP: No plans as of yet.  Probably get away from each other for a while and work on other projects once this cycle is finished.  Get lots of sleep.  Ha.

JS: My second child is due in a week. That is going to be my focus. After that, a little more touring. Maybe we will write some more. Who knows?

(Dave) Hause Party

by Ryan Pangilinan

For many people, Dave Hause is largely known as the frontman of Fat Wreck’s punk-by-way-of-Americana band The Loved Ones. But for anyone who has seen Kid Dynamite’s documentary, “Four Years in One Gulp,” Hause is also one hell of a storyteller, so it’s no wonder why his last few releases have been particularly fleshed out with lush narratives. This is true of his debut solo album, “Resolutions” (Paper + Plastick). Hause’s weathered voice unites each track on the album, which recalls a myriad of American pop music influences such as blues, folk, gospel and old fashioned rock & roll.

Upon arriving back from an Australian tour, Hause took time out to talk shop with Totally Crushed Out about his solo work and why he’s okay with being the funny frontman.

Totally Crushed Out: Dave, I’ve heard some of your solo material and I feel that they’re a little bit more than just “The Loved Ones acoustic.” They are certainly steeped in blues, which is something that you don’t hear often from people who’ve come out of the punk/hardcore scene. Did you want to forge an independent identity as Dave Hause the solo artist vs. Dave Hause of the Loved Ones?

Dave Hause: It’s not that premeditated.  I think the nature of a band is such that you can make broader statements, communicate bigger ideas and almost reach more people if it’s done right.  That’s what I’d like to do with the next Loved Ones record. As far as playing solo, it’s a more intimate affair, I can use that medium to write and play songs that resonate on a much more person to person level.

I know you did some dates on one of the last Revival tours, but you also opened for AFI. How was the reception for the latter?

It was actually amazing. I got a call from them to come play some shows and they offered me a lot of money to do so, which was really generous.  They’re old friends, and so I was pretty fired up to get paid to play and to hang out with them for a few days.  As I started to walk up on stage to play I suddenly realized “You idiot!! You’re about to play to 2,000 AFI fans with an acoustic guitar!” and almost panicked.  Their fans were so great, really into it and I had some great, weird shows.  

You recently released the 7” on Paper + Plastick, are you going to follow that up with another solo recording or will you be diving into a new Loved Ones record?

My debut full-length record, “Resolutions,” comes out today, February 1st, on Paper + Plastick. I’m almost done writing the new Loved Ones record and we’ll track it in the spring.

One of the last times I saw you, was when The Loved Ones toured with Gaslight Anthem and you were chiding the Seattle crowd and cracking wise. In many ways, it seems that humor in punk rock is all but lost these days. What keeps a smile on your face?

My attitude is to not take myself or other people too seriously, especially at a rock and roll show.  It’s supposed to be fun, and while we are doing something that is important to us and to the crowd, we aren’t removing rubble off of crushed folks in Haiti or curing cancer. We’re making up songs, singing them and having a good time.

You’ve also completed a tour of Australia and New Zealand. What was that experience like?

Incredible.  The Bouncing Souls and Hot Water Music are some of my best friends and favorite people, so to go down there and open for them in paradise was one of the best touring experiences of my life.  I loved it.  

The Loved Ones has been around for a while now and certainly you, as an individual performer, have been around the block. Do you feel like you’re at a point now where you’re comfortable enough to tour when you want to and not out of necessity, as many bands are apt to do when they are starting out?

We’re making it up as we go. Once the Loved Ones record is done, we’ll tour the world on it because we love to.  When it gets stale, we’ll take time off.  My record comes out today and I’m planning on touring a ton on it, then jumping into Loved Ones mode. The dumbest thing for a band to do is break up because they’re burnt out.  Just rest, regroup, reassess, and come back to the thing that works instead of torching the whole thing.

“Resolutions” is out now on Paper + Plastick. Dave Hause’s tour dates can be found on his Myspace page.

Yoga Flame: Totally Crushed Out v. Open Fire
By Ryan Pangilinan

While most people recognize bands like Death Cab for Cutie, Gatsby’s American Dream or Acceptance as representative of what Seattle has offered in the post-90s years, they clearly haven’t kept their eyes on the South End, a collective of Seattle suburbs (Auburn, Kent, et. al) and Tacoma. From this largely insular scene, bands like Owen Hart, Sojourner, and Open Fire! have been able to forge their own identity apart from Seattle’s cocaine and hipster-friendly aesthetic. Unlike some of their other local counterparts, Open Fire’s! sound rests on a style that is simultaneously melodic and hard. While talking to their vocalist, Steve, it’s clear that you’re more likely to find him talking about the Foo Fighters or Jimmy Eat World than Anal Cunt. Maybe. 

Totally Crushed Out: How did Open Fire form?

Steve: Open Fire! started in the tail end of 2005. I was friends with Kenny and Rick, who were in a band called Forget the Grey. They were looking for a second guitarist so I learned their songs, but we never got a show together before the other members wanted to call it quits (other than the last FTG show/second OF! show). So, we decided to form a new band. I had been demoing some melodic metalcore-esque songs under the moniker Escaping the Tide, trying to get band members together but having no luck. I showed them the material, and although they liked it they wanted something aggressively heavy and as pissed as possible. We decided to try and meld the two ideas together, and writing songs just took off. every song had different elements, so it was a very weird mix of melodic and heavy. I wouldn’t call it good, but I am happy with what we tried to do. The result of the next couple years (and a lot of bullshit) was Built to Abandon, our first release.

Kenny and Rick eventually departed for real life, and after several member changes, I was left with writing duties solely. So, I went with what I knew best - the material I started out with in 2004/2005. Some of the most recent Open Fire! songs including shit that’s on the new record are revamped versions of demos of songs I wrote back then. Its crazy seeing them come to fruition now, but I believe that the songs are in their best form under the OF! flag and I’m proud of what OF! has shaped into.
 
The band’s sound is a lot more melodic than what is usually associated with South End bands. What are some of the band’s primary influences?

Well, for one, I always like referencing the night we decided to do keep it a bit melodic - Kenny, Rick and I were at the Trial reunion show in October 2005 (a common influence) and decided then and there that we wanted to keep a melodic tone. But we loved bands like Most Precious Blood, Poison the Well, Blood Has Been Shed, Misery Signals, 7 Angels 7 Plagues, Converge, Shai Hulud, Killing the Dream, Hatebreed, etc. Those were bands we always found common ground with. I myself have always identified with a lot more ethereal and melodic bands, like Glassjaw, Beloved, Thrice, anything Anthony Green touches, This Day Forward, Hopesfall, Pelican, Isis, Deftones… in the recent years I’ve found myself really loving some oddball things. I listen to lots of Frank Sinatra. I love this relatively new band called Harvard – they’re insanely talented.

Fisch and Chug and I all connect on lots of different pages, we all love lots of the same hardcore, metal, death & black metal bands. And we all mostly have a disdain for the average/run of the mill pop punk band. Haha…thats certainly driven us to where we are. Also - the NW scene has always influenced me, and helped shape my views on music. Left With Nothing and then into Lahar, some of the best heavy music around. Seeing The Great Disappointment and then them becoming one of the best bands out today known as Owen Hart. Even newer bands like Circle of Defeat and Wreck make me smack my forehead and go “holy shit! this is fucking great, why didn’t I ever think of that or approach shit in that way?” I just like a fuckload of music, and get inspired pretty easily.

Now you guys just finished a new record. Have you decided on whether you want to take that to a label or whether you’re going to put it out yourselves?

We haven’t quite fleshed out every idea or avenue with that yet. None of us are made of money and it’d be great to have some support, but we dont hold our breath nor do we want anyone else controlling what really happens with our music. So we dont know just yet. Its being sent to labels, and we’ll see what they say, if anything. If they say nothing, then so be it. We’d end up releasing it ourselves. Digitally first, probably. Maybe some home-made special CD’s. Then if it generated enough interest, maybe we’d put it out on vinyl. I dont know if we can though, the album is an hour long! 
 
Where and who did you guys record with?

We recorded it in Tacoma, WA at RandleRawk Studios. RandleRawk did relocate in the middle of the recording process though, so it was done in two different spots in Tacoma. We tracked all the music with Ahren Lanfor, and the vocals with Randy Wheeler. Ahren has done previous OF! recordings, as well as our other band Oblivion, and tons of other fantastic locals. Randy did “What Means the Most” by us a few years ago, and has been a friend of mine for a few years. Notorious for recording nearly every single metal, hardcore, punk and pop band out of the South end, because he’s that damn good.
 
Once the record does come out, do you have any plans to tour it, regionally or otherwise?

We certainly WANT to - but all of us are hitting our mid 20’s and that’s when real life starts to take shape - we have jobs, apartments or homes, girlfriends, kids, bills, etc. All of which take serious time and money and dedication to keep strong. And then the band itself usually takes equal amounts of time, money, and attention, sometimes even more. If we get snagged up by a label and hit the road that way we definitely will. Otherwise, we’re looking into doing some small tours, a few days here, a couple weeks there, over the summer and second half of the year.

You can check out some of Open Fire’s! previous recordings on their Bandcamp page.

DEAR RYAN: I have been divorced for almost a year and am the mother of two daughters. I am dating two very nice men, and I have been open and honest with both of them about not wanting a serious relationship right now. They both understand. The problem is my sister seems to feel that I need to make a commitment to one of them because if I don’t, I will be viewed as a “player.” She hasn’t spoken to me in weeks because of this “issue.”

Is it wrong of me to date more than one man at a time even if I am absolutely honest with them about it? I am not ready to settle down, and I enjoy dating both of them. How do I handle this with my sister? — NOT PLAYING FOR KEEPS

DEAR STILL NOT A PLAYA: Your sister is a total pill. Dating post divorce is sort of a big deal (it’s the basis of my upcoming book). Your sister should be encouraging and proud of the fact that you’re making an effort at this juncture. Obviously, she has her own stupid, archaic bullshit going on in her narrow ass mind. You told the guys you’re dating about keeping it casual and as long as you’re safe, then you’re okay in my book. Tell your sister to chill the EFF out and get the stick out her ass. Good luck!

DEAR RYAN: My girlfriend, “Kim,” believes that saying “Bless you” after someone sneezes is a universal requirement. I think this is something out of the 15th century so I never say anything. Kim thinks I’m rude. What say you, Ryan? — ALREADY BLESSED IN LAKE FOREST, CALIF.

YO BLESSED: Don’t be rude. Say “bless you” or some form it. Jerkwad.

DEAR RYAN: I am the mother of the groom. My husband and I are hosting the wedding rehearsal dinner. The bride’s mother informed me that she is going to have a slide show of the bride’s and groom’s baby pictures at the dinner.

What do you think of this practice? I thought she should have at least asked my permission. I did tell her I was not a fan of the idea because I was at a wedding reception where it was done and the comments from the guests were not complimentary. Please comment. — TASTEFUL MOM IN NEW YORK

DEAR MOM: It’s not tasteless and you can’t compare the two receptions. Stop being a selfish asshole and let the bride’s mom get her kicks in. As far as I can tell, you’re being difficult and a total beeeyoootch. Merry Xmas.

For more ridiculous answers to your stupid questions, email DEAR RYAN at totallycrushedoutmag[at]gmail[dot]com.

DEAR RYAN: My husband and I have been together for two years, and he still doesn’t know my mother’s last name (it’s different from my maiden name), nor does he know the names of all of my siblings. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal. What is your opinion? — NAME GAME IN KNOXVILLE, TENN.

YO NAME GAME: I forget shit sometimes, but it’s usually like someone’s favorite color or their favorite shitty Radiohead record. In this case, forgetting or not knowing your spouse’s mother’s name or their siblings is some straight up bullshit. They’re family, your husband needs to man the fuck up and start carrying flash cards. Or dump him. Good luck!

DEAR RYAN: I have already decorated my office for the winter holidays, but my co-worker says before Thanksgiving is too early to display a snowman. When do you decorate for the holiday season? — FESTIVE SOUTHERN GIRL

DEAR FESTIVE: Fuck ‘em. Decorate your shit when you feel like it. Good luck!

DEAR RYAN: My wife “Julie” and I have been married a year. On our first date she asked me if I liked dogs. I told her no because I’m allergic to them. However, because we were compatible in so many other ways, I worked past this difference and tolerated “Fido.” I walked him at times and began taking allergy medication when we started living together. I did it out of love and respect for my wife.

Julie returned the respect in kind. My late grandmother had given me a blanket decorated with characters from a favorite TV show when I was a child. Although it clashed with our furniture, Julie draped it over the couch in our den because she knew it was meaningful to me.

I was away on a business trip when Fido died. I sent flowers and called my wife, expressing my condolences. When I returned a few days later I noticed my blanket was missing. When I asked where it was, Julie tore into me saying I had never liked Fido and she had buried him with my blanket! I was furious and let her know with a few choice words.

It has been a week and the mood here is strained. I’m still angry about what she did. Do I have the right to be upset? — STRESSED AND STEAMED

DEAR STEAMED: Your wife destroyed something that your late grandmother gave you because she got pissed that her dog died, despite you being stand up? DUMP HER. You don’t need that shit. Dump her and go marry someone who is worth your time. Obviously, she doesn’t respect you enough to differentiate grief and anger. Unfortunately, you had to be the lightning rod, but that’s an unreasonable reaction whether you liked her dog or not. You still cared about the dog and you care about her enough to express your condolences. If she does this to your shit over her dog, who knows what else she’s capable of? Get divorced. Trust me, you’ll feel better eventually. Good luck! 

Need bad advice? Write to DEAR RYAN at totallycrushedoutmag[at]gmail[dot]com. He’s hilarious when he’s bummed out on shit.